Long time right?
I haven’t been blogging a lot recently and it’s because of university and a screenplay I’ve been doing since November.
Anyway, the reason I named ‘to the person who’ve never been loved before’ as a blog post title is that I wanted to share something personal to me as a 20 turning 21-year-old woman, living in a society where women and teenage girls (16-19) are expected to be in a relationship or have been in a relationship previously.
Story #1: secondary/high school
When I was 16 (I know, very young), during drama class, a group of girls was talking about how many boys they’ve dated or been in a relationship with, and all of them said they have; however, when it came to me, I said that I’ve never been in a relationship nor I have kissed someone before.
And guess what?
The girls’ mouths were opened, shocked and surprised by what I said; even one of them said “aw, that’s cute” in a condescending tone. I felt embarrassed and uncomfortable after and thought, “ don’t worry T, I’ll find someone when I go to college and uni”, and… I was wrong!
During PE (physical education), my class was doing trampolining and while my so what friends and I were standing in front of the trampoline, I saw my old crush, entering into the sports hall, and as I was staring in his direction, both of them… let me call her K and H said to me that he, my crush would never go for a girl like me and would go for a girl who is completely different. My heart sunk but, I wasn’t too surprised because it’s 99.9% true. That comment made me feel even uglier! I felt like Shrek.
Story #2: Further Education (college)
When I went to college to study creative media, most of my classmates were in relationships. Sadly, I and a few were left out. Some would even show photos of their boyfriend. At the time, I felt that I was behind and felt pressured to find someone. One time, one of my college mates pressured another one to answer her question. She said along the lines of, “Which person would you date?”. He said many names, and when it came to me, one of the boys laughed as he looked at me. I felt ugly and un dateable due to my skin colour and race. In my view, it seems that the person couldn’t choose me because I’m black. What’s wrong with being black? What’s wrong with seeing someone or liking someone who has a different complexion to you? To you, it’s not normal but, to me, it is normal because I live in a diverse town.
Story #3: Higher education (university)
During my second year of university, I was looking for my class building until someone… I’ll call him F came up to me and asked if I’m looking for the same place as he was. At that moment, I felt something in my body; I thought it was fate but, I was wrong! Only to turn out that F is currently in a relationship with someone else. He turned out to be a horrible person towards me. Later on, I realised why I liked this person romantically, and it was because he showed nice gestures to me. Throughout my life, most of my bullies were males and when I came across F during my darkest times, I felt something glowing in my chest.
A letter to the person who’ve never been loved.
To the person who’ve never been loved,
it’s okay that you’ve never kissed, lost your virginity to, or been in a relationship. I know Valentine’s Day can become hard at times as the years go by as you age but, it’s okay to feel alone because I am too. I love my friends and family but, when they ask about relationships or when I’ll have children, it really frustrates me because I feel like I’ll never or taught to think that I’ll never experience that! Someone in the world is thinking the same thing as you and I, probably laying in bed watching romcoms alone in their house. I hope you’ll find someone who likes you for the way you are!
This video has inspired me to write this blog post.